I’m definitely not  person who likes to lose.  However, last Sunday I got back on the bike 3.5 months after my big prang where I almost broke my shoulder.  I’ve only been on the bike twice in that period and only for ‘gentle’ rides.

Last Sunday was a 100km ride from Wistow to Murray Bridge with lots of hills.  I’ve previously competed in B Grade races but this day I was competing in E Grade.  In my defence I thought it was quite acceptable to go down a grade or two seeing as I haven’t ridden for so long but to go down to E Grade was a bit of a shock.  It didn’t stop me and I got in amongst it all.

The first third of the race I was very comfortable and picturing myself finishing the race towards the front of the group if not ‘right at the front’.  Unfortunately that’s where it all went astray .  I started to struggle on a hill and got quickly dropped from the pack.  Anyone who knows anything about riding will know that once you get dropped from the pack it’s almost impossible to get back on the pack again.  Once you are dropped from the pack you just get slower and slower as you do all the work for yourself and the pack continues to pull away.

I watched them disappear into the difference and then crossed the finish line 28 minutes after the winner of my grade and I was … stone cold motherless LAST !  It has got to be the worst result I’ve ever had in my riding career … and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I’m not one who likes to lose but I totally hate being a spectator on the side lines when I could be in the mix and out there having some fun.  It’s not all about winning sometimes it just about being out there and having a go.

I find it fascinating that EVERYONE is tempted to take the low morale ground every now and then.  Fortunately we have friends who sometimes step in and remind us of who we want to be.

I was talking to a friend just the other day … Matthew Hill … and he reminded me that I will feel better about myself by not stooping to the low morale ground of my enemies.  We were talking about organisations and people that had disappointed or frustrated us and they had frustrated us to the extreme for no good reason.  I started to talk about one particular fella who has frustrated me (from time to time) for literally decades and even though we haven’t spoken for several years I still hear reports of how he continually tries to undermine me.  Most of the time it doesn’t concern me too much.  I’m comfortable with who I am but I do worry about how other people might view me after listening to him.

However, I do know of this one ‘incident’ this person was involved in that if I brought the subject up it would absolutely infuriate him and he would get massively angry with me. I know this wasn’t his fault, I know he wasn’t to blame but it is still something that other people have ‘accused’ him of and he is extremely sensitive about the mention of it.  It’s one of those issues that would possibly make him need to go back to therapy … it is that sensitive.  I have never and would never bring it up to him because it just wouldn’t be nice and it wouldn’t be fair.  However …. I was speaking to Hilly about it and made the following statement … Hilly’s response brought me back to earth and back to who ‘I really want to be’.

I said … ” xxx really infuriates me, he’s always telling people how stupid I am, always telling people about everything that I’ve stuffed up.  He frustrates me so much that I sometimes feel like bringing up xxxxx and just see how he likes it when we discuss it.  I know that he did nothing wrong, I know it wasn’t his fault but I also know that it I bring it up it’s sensitive enough issue that he will just go right off … he’d get so angry.  Just see how he likes it when people say things that aren’t true! I sometimes feeling like I would like to do it just to get a little pay back for all the bad things he says about me.”

Hilly’s response was instant, off the cuff and absolute GOLD … “Take the high morale ground”.  He didn’t need to say anything more, that was enough.  It reminded me of the things I like about myself and of the things I like about the friends I choose.  I shouldn’t compromise my standards for anyone, no matter what they are doing to me.  There are plenty of other things this guy and I could debate without having to stoop to ‘the low morale ground’.

I also feel comfortable that no matter what this guy says … people who really matter will want to get to know me before making any true judgements.  It’s good to have friends who remind us of who we really want to be and help us to be that person.

It is increasingly difficult to juggle our personal and business lives. Many people talk about our struggle for ‘work/life balance,’ advising us to draw a clear line between our work and personal lives so we are dedicating enough time to each so we are truly productive or truly connected or truly relaxed … and the list goes on.

As communication devices such as the iPhone and Blackberry continue to advance, work/ life balance becomes blurred. There is more demand on people to respond quickly to the boss or client at 8 pm on a Friday night or 4 pm on a Sunday afternoon.  Unfortunately more people are accepting that this is the ‘norm’. In the struggle to get ahead we go against our instinct as we believe we have to capitulate with the demands of being more readily accessible via the ever growing technology.

However, “I sense a disturbance in The Force” (a quote for STAR WARS fans) … there is a shift in our attitudes. People are starting to resent the intrusion of one arena into the other at inappropriate moments.

Some people I met recently don’t have a mobile phone.  They say that anything they need to do with their business can wait till they get to their work phone or answering machine.  One guy has a mobile but refuses to give the number out to randoms … he has it just for family or ‘very select’ business interactions such as his business manager. He says it’s quite funny when people at a hotel check him in and ask for his mobile number and he replies with … ‘I don’t give out my mobile number”.  He says the responses range from dumb struck silence to straight out argument.

Through my speaking I am fortunate to meet lots of different people from all around Australia.  Some quite eccentric and some quite practical.  The bonus of it all is that I do get to see and hear of lots of different approaches, attitudes and opinions.  There is a disturbance in the force … people are starting to question that seemingly accepted pressure to conform to what everyone else is doing.  The rebellion army that is willing to stand up against what everyone else is just accepting because it’s too hard to fight.

There are no two ways about it … family life and work life and social life will always be integrated to some degree.  When you catch up with friends or go to a party we talk about work.  When we are at work it would be rare to go through a day without discussing your family or social life to some extent.  Family/work/social life will always be integrated but do we have to be connected to everything all the time … I think not.

I think when we first got our first mobile phones we were excited about having this new connectivity.  We wanted to be able to show how well it worked and good it was for business.  But that initial excitement was 30 years ago.  The new excitement is now around being selective as to when to use the technology.  the new excitement should be focussed on getting our control back of our time and our lives.

There are already a few people taking a stand and saying “I have the technology and TODAY I choose not to use it”.  They are showing commitment through actions too.

It is time for us all to make a conscious choice … where do you stand on the issue?
Do you think it’s right to be so connected to business all the time?
Do you think it’s right to be so accessible by family while at work?

Where do you stand?

CADEL EVANS is our latest Aussie hero.  What I would give to be standing on the Champs Elysee in Paris as he rides over the legendary cobble stones as the first Australian to ever wear the coveted ‘Maillot Jaune’ (Yellow Jersey) on the final leg of the Tour de France.

Congratulations deservedly go to Cadel for his amazing achievement.  As a semi-serious bike rider myself I have sat up watching in amazement as he and his team punish their bodies at the same time as enjoying their success.  However wonderful the success of winning is, that’s not the reason for this post.

Cadel is one of the few true gentlemen whilst in glory.  He readily and continually acknowledges the efforts of his team.  Without them he wouldn’t be where he is now.  However, many of us are in the same boat as Cadels’ team. Many of us have been supporters for those people who have gone on to gain the ‘public’ glory of outstanding achievement.

I’m in that boat of having some public acknowledgement for my achievements and I too like to acknowledge that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the assistance of many, many people who I could consider ‘my team’.

What have you had notoriety for that you can be extremely proud of your achievement and proudly acknowledge the efforts and support of the team that has rallied around you to ensure your success?  No matter how good, rich, powerful or popular you become in life … don’t ever forget the people who helped you get to where you are.

Leave me a comment about what you have achieved and who was there to support you.

Do you have a mentor in your life?

Do you know what projects, goals or dreams you have that you need a mentor for?

I have several mentors in my life … my parents are the obvious, almost default, mentor.  I would hope that most people are able to look up to their parents as mentors but I also know that it doesn’t always work that way.  I’ve been a policeman for some 34 years and I’ve seen some terrible parenting in my time so I do know it doesn’t always work. Fortunately for me, my parents are sensational!

However, there are some things in life that we need specific mentors for.  I have two major projects at the moment and I have different mentors for each.  They are helping to push me along, think differently, they keep me accountable for what I have promised to do.  They also question me when I don’t achieve or at least put in a decent effort to those things.

Yesterday, one of my coaches noted that I had started this blog with intentions of posting note worthy information on a regular basis … but I haven’t maintained the practice!!  Why not?

We had ‘the’ discussion.  I was a short discussion.  He was right and his reminder was all I needed. I don’t mind admitting when I’m wrong or when I’ve stuffed up (sometimes it takes a bit to convince me of it )

So this is my post … to say that we all need mentors, no matter what we want to do, whether it massive or as small as writing a blog on a regular basis.  In my programs I discuss the value of mentors often and have a formula for working out who your mentor could or should be. I don’t think we ever achieve anything on our own so create a team around you to help you and start with a coach.

My coach got me back on track with this post

Who’s your coach and what are they doing for you?

I’ve been riding my push bike for a number of years.  In fact, way back when I was in my 20′s I was competing in triathlons which obviously included a bike leg.  I joined STAR Group in 1989 and continued to ride my bike too and from work (20 k’s each way) as well as the triathlons.  I thought I was pretty good at that time.

After the shooting, I returned to riding too and from work again but not quite as often or with the same intensity.  About 6 years ago though, a mate asked me to go riding with him.  I had been divorced and lonely for a while and thought this was a good opportunity to connect with people again and took up the offer and the challenge … this guy was ex-STAR Group and definitely better than me.

We started riding 30k’s a time and I thought we were good.  We extended that distance and did 50 k’s a time and I thought we were good. Then we found a group to ride with that extended us to 70 k’s at a time … and … I thought we were good.  That group stayed together for quite a while and we nicknamed ourselves ‘The CORE’.  We enjoyed riding so much that in the end we weren’t happy with our ride together unless we had done 100 k’s or more.

Now I’ve taken on a bigger and better challenge. I’ve found 2 new riding buddies (Vearsy and Paul) who are pushing me harder than before.  Shorter distances but higher intensity.  They encouraged me to join the Adelaide Hills Veterans Cycling Club (AHVCC) with them to pit ourselves against people who are really serious about riding well, fast and hard.  Don’t get me wrong, this is a very social, very welcoming and very friendly club and everyone is there to compete and see how well they go.  However, the higher grades are serious about riding hard and fast.

We started riding in D Grade.  It was very competitive and we did pretty well.  In an inter-club competition Vearsy and Paul ere entered in D Grade again and as a result of some stirring from Vearsy I was pushed up into C Grade.  There was a field of of 18 riders … and came in 6th.  I was stoked !!!  However, a bigger challenge was yet to come.  They elevated me to B Grade for the next AHVCC race.  My two mates I joined the club with were also in B Grade in the same race.

We rode that B Grade ride yesterday and in a field of 9 B Grade riders. Paul came in 2nd and I came in 7th and Vearsy injured his knee.  Let me tell you … I’m proud of Paul for his 2nd place but I couldn’t be prouder of my 3rd last position!!  I’m stoked. I’m riding with B Grade riders and just proud to be up there with those guys and girls.  I’m coming in near last … and I still think I’m pretty good

This is where my challenge now starts! I’ve found where my natural position is in the club.  I’m faster than the C Grade riders and not yet as quick as the majority of the B Graders.  I don’t actually have a lot of time to train on the bike … but making as much time as I can of course.

So my challenge is to find out how I can improve my abilities on the bike.  This is not about proving myself to be as good as someone else … this is purely about finding out how I can enjoy my passion as much as I can.  I love to extend, stretch and test myself.  I love to have a challenge.  This is purely about challenging myself to see how far I can go in the field I’m enjoying at the moment.  Don’t get me wrong, I also love the competition with other people … that’s the whole point of joining the club … to see how I fair against other consistent riders.  But the result is all about how much I can push myself in a field I’m really enjoying.

My challenge to you is … what is your passion and what are you prepared to go to get as good as you can at what ever it is you enjoy?  Please remember this is about enjoyment not about pushing yourself to prove yourself to someone else.  This is purely about YOU.  What are you prepared to do to enjoy your passion … physical, mental, emotional or spiritual?

Some people, like me want to push themselves to keep on improving and getting better.  Some people like to just get out and enjoy themselves at what ever they enjoy … it may be sporting, it may be academic or it may be inner spiritual. It doesn’t really matter what your passion is.

I’d be keen to hear what your thoughts are, what your field of enjoyment is and what you are prepared to do to ensure you enjoy it to the extent you want to!!

STEP 5 – SUPPORT

We all need to know where our positive, emotionally supportive environment is so that when things go wrong, and they will if we’re pushing hard enough, we can come back to it. It’s important to be prepared to ask for assistance from other people.  We all need assistance from time to time.  It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength and self confidence.

In our positive, emotionally supportive environment our family, friends, colleagues, boss, husband, wife etc … will help us to work our way back through the first four steps and continue to build our Confidence, Courage and Capacity.

Be very clear, asking for assistance and receiving it does not mean that we can then sit back and let someone else do it all for us. Everyone needs to be strong and independent but we also need to know when we need help and support … and when we can help and support other people too.

Both should have a place in our lives.

STEP 4 – PLAN

Plan is just simply having ‘SOME IDEA’ of how you are going to make things happen. The more detail you can have in the plan the better but it doesn’t have to be detailed.

You start planning for one of two reasons:
1.     Your either have something you want to create/do
or
2.     You have some idea of the challenges you might encounter in your day to day life
and you need to prepare to make these happen or deal with them if they do happen.

Having even a simple PLAN will give you the confidence to make a start and starting is the hardest part. Once started, you’ll have momentum and once you’ve got momentum, it will give you extra confidence and courage to keep going and make things happen.

Don’t be scared to change your plans though. Once started you may find that your plan isn’t getting you what you want … or … you may realise that there is a much better way to make things happen.  Plans change all the time for all sorts of reasons.

Have your plans but also be flexible and be prepared to change your plans … if they need to be.

STEP 3 … PURPOSE

Purpose is something people talk about all the time … What’s your purpose … what’s your purpose … sometimes it sounds like a cliche.   It’s definitely not a cliche’ but it does come in TWO IMPORTANT PARTS

The first part is definitely ‘know WHAT your purpose’. Knowing your purpose can be separated into a few parts too.

Your purpose can be interpreted in several ways. What’s your ultimate life purpose?, what’s your work/professional/sport purpose? or what’s your immediate/short term purpose?

You need to be very clear about what you want to do. The clearer you are about your purpose is (long, medium of short term) the more likely you are to achieve it.

However, the next part is MORE IMPORTANT.

The second part is to ‘know WHY it is your purpose’.

I believe WHY is more important than WHAT !!!

If the reason why you want to achieve your purpose is meaningful to you, you are more likely to achieve your purpose. This is because meaning builds passion.  You get excited by any little achievements along the way.

If the reason why you is not so meaningful to you, such as when your Boss or someone else tells you you have to do something, you are likely to give up at the first major obstacle.

Your reason why may be that your Boss told you to do something and if you get it done you’ll be closer to promotion or salary increase … the reason WHY then becomes about the promotion or the salary and your passion may still get locked in if that is meaningful to you.

You need to be very clear about WHAT your purpose is and WHY it’s your purpose.

STEP 2 … INFLUENCE

We all need to know that we have the ability and responsibility to influence our own future. It’s the choices we make and the actions we take that influence what happens to us … it’s not chance. Even when things are at their worst, it’s what we decide to do about it … or … how we let it affect us, that will influence OUR future – GOOD or BAD.

Some people believe that life is all about how lucky you are … ‘You were in the right place at the right time’ … or … ‘You were in the wrong place at the wrong time’.  I believe that luck is something we create for ourselves.

My father always used to say to me … “Isn’t it funny that the more you practice and the harder you try, the luckier you get”.

We create our own luck in life by believing it’s what we do that influences the future.

What do YOU want, for YOUR future and what are YOU prepared to do to make it happen?

Step 1 … OPTIMISM

We need to be Optimistic about our future … we need to have a reason to believe there is something better than what have right now. Something bigger, brighter, bolder, more connected, more fun than what we have right now. It could be something we want to develop, improve, rebuild or recover from.

Without a sense of Optimism how could you possibly be confident about the future.  Without a sense of Optimism how could you possibly be truly courageous about the future … what would be the point?

We need to believe there is something better out there and that alone will inspire you to be willing to fight on FOR WHAT YOU WANT.

5 Steps to Building Confidence, Courage and Capacity. The 5 things you need are:

Optimism . . . . . . . . Influence . . . . . . . . Purpose . . . . . . . . Plan . . . . . . . . Support

They may seem simple but they are ultimately the most powerful thing I’ve ever created.

I’ve been on the Inspirational speaking circuit for over 10 years. I’ve been exposed to a lot of different speakers, beliefs, philosophies, theories and practices. Some of them I’ve liked and some I’ve had serious reservations about but we all need to decide what it is that makes the most sense for ourselves.

About 3 years ago I added a personal development program called ‘Inside Your Head’ to my speaking tool kit. I called it Inside Your Head because the greatest challenges any of us face in building the confidence, courage and capacity, to be the person we really can be, are ‘Inside Your Head’.

This program is based on the strategies, tools, beliefs, attitudes and philosophies I used to prepare myself prior to the shooting, during the time I was lying on the ground for 3 hours awaiting rescue, during my rehabilitation and certainly now in my new career. They have certainly been influenced by the people I’ve been exposed to during my time on the speaking circuit but there are two groups of people who have been the ‘most’ influential on the Inside Your Head program.

The first group of people are … my parents and family. My parents have been absolutely sensational for me and set me up with a great attitude towards my own self worth and ability. To be honest, I didn’t appreciate it when I was growing up but now I realise just how important it was and how it set me up to use my own strengths when it counted most. My brother and sister are brilliant and have certainly had their own challenges and successes and I have learnt from them by watching them deal with their lives.

The second group of people are … my friends. I am very fortunate to have a sensational group of friends and the greatest of them all have been with me since High School. These are the people that pick me up when I’m down and keep me grounded when I’m getting a little ‘too self-confident’ … as we all do from time to time. This group have been there for me even when there have been significant periods of time where we’ve had no contact.

The basis to the Inside Your Head program is based on five things we need to do or be aware of to build confidence, courage and capacity. I will post the 5 steps over the next 5 posts.

These 5 things are my original thoughts and so I welcome your critical observations or comments or questions on them. Anything at all … please put my thoughts to the test so I can build my confidence in their true worth.

You can see a little more about Inside Your Head at http://www.derrickmcmanus.com/presentations/